“Authenticity is freedom from the illusion of fear and alignment to the reality of love”
~ unknown (Quote obtained from flowingfree.org)
This past couple of months (almost) I have been setting up my environment for success and as I did this, my habits and behaviour patterns became more obvious to me…. As I mentioned, I started prepping my meals for the week, looking at what would be helpful and what would not in the environment… I ended up learning more about myself because some day I was up for doing all the things I planned and other days I will feel devastated because I didn’t have the energy or motivation to keep up. As the universe would always do, she will place people/things/events/books on my path to help me grow. I realise a few things…
Firstly it feels like I have been sleeping this past couple of months. Today I feel awake and over the course of this past 2 months, I have been discovering more things about myself, slowly deepening my understanding of awakening and being myself. Physically I haven’t been feeling very energised, my mind was foggy, my belly felt like I was carrying something inside and from within I was feeling anxious… The story I have been telling myself up until now about the phases I get into was based on FEAR! I have endometriosis and as much as I have been doing a lot of things to help myself and I have seen progress, I felt like I have been stuck with it and my thoughts about my body and myself has not been based on LOVE (I really thought it was all this time). I was doing all those helpful protocols but I was doing them based on FEAR (I had resistance to feeling this way for the rest of my life, fear that I won’t be able to work hard enough, fear that this will stop me from realising my dreams/helping others in an effective/successful way etc…)
Secondly I thought that I did some great work around Fear but since my pet died, I noticed the big come back. I noticed I was back in my head for most of the time, analysing, strategising, planning etc…. (nothing wrong with them but I lost practice of Being in my body and feeling the fear, talking to it, finding out more…..) I noticed that every time I was trying to do something I had to do for work, even listening to podcast cause I am desperate to get an answer for my current state of mind, my body will resist because it knew that wasn’t what I needed. It wasn’t until the anxiousness became higher that I knew I had to stop and listen (once upon a time, I wouldn’t even listen, I would keep pushing through and distracting myself with all sorts of things to feel better BUT I have learned and I am glad I woke up to myself 2 years ago). Unfortunately not everyone has one awakening moment and live from this place for the rest of his/her life, I am certainly not this person.
So Thrirdly, I realised that I am still awakening to my true essence and there are still more for me to discover and release. I believe there are a lot of stuck emotions that need to be released from my body. I still have limited beliefs that I need to let go. One that I have discovered is that “I am not important enough, what I say does not matter” “My thoughts, feelings and ideas are not important enough” “What other people think is more important that what I think” I know that all of these come from my childhood for sure. What I said and felt then never mattered, it was always the adults that was right, even when they were wrong (This was just the norm). But I kept this and I made this part of my story. I can now let this go, it might take a few rounds but because I am now conscious of it, it is a lot easier to get rid of than when it was in my subconscious program.
Fourthly, I noticed that every time I go through a phase of “sickness” I come out of it better than how I was before this phase. It is like I go through a destruction of the old and a brand new me appear afterwards. After all we regenerate new cells everyday, why not a new mind as well!
Finally I also realised that I have trouble to BE ME, the REAL ME. The ME that is peaceful, joyful, free… This is what I will be working on this year. Learning to be Authentic, being ME, being LOVE and NOT FEAR! It is going to take courage, FEAR has been my default program my whole life (Fear of loosing my mum, fear of being different, fear of being wrong, fear of failing, fear of disappointing others, fear of not being needed…..) But as Dr Maya Angelou said, “You are only free when you realise you belong no place-you belong every place-no place at all. The price is high. The reward is great” Quote found in Braving the Wilderness, the quest for true belonging and the courage to stand alone by DR Brene Brown (book I’m currently reading, its thought provoking and has amazing insight!)
So here is the take away from this “me search”:
- Find out what’s behind our Intention, is it FEAR or LOVE?
- Love Ourself every day. I have started telling my body I love it even the parts that I was feeling bad about. In fact give more love especially to these parts. Visualise these parts of your body and send them love and thanks, give them a little massage too. Our body is on our side, it is working for us all the time, it is just a matter of shifting the way we see it! I notice I am much more motivated to take care of it through my rituals. Also when I read my Intention every day, I read it from a place of love..
- Every time we are “sick”, think of it as our body working for us! It is doing exactly what it should be doing to protect us, send it thanks and love. Even with our children, we can tell them that their body is so smart and working for them right now (it helps them to have a new way of seeing themselves and their body…). When we think of our body as this magnificent entity, we give it a chance to do what it is design for: Healing Itself, we send the right message for it to do its job. Of course this is along with doing other things that you may need to do (whatever your practitioner may suggest, a mix of modalities… whatever works for you, but this little bit here will make a huge difference in your healing)
- Language could be where we start, I found myself talking to my daughter using the language of fear, “If you don’t brush your teeth, they will decay” This is the truth right and I guess it is fair to say. However I notice that when I say it, it has an emotional charge to it and I know my daughter picks up on my fear. I speaks the same way to my husband , “If you continue to eat junk food, you will have this disease or that” My Intention may be good. I want them to be aware and ultimately I want them to be happy and healthy but this isn’t in alignment with the Universe because mine is based on FEAR but the Universe’s is based on LOVE. Perhaps I could ask myself, how would God/The Universe talk to us? How can I pass a message of Wellness based on LOVE to the people I love, my family, my clients, people I don’t know and Myself?
- Learn to make time to listen to our Body
These seems all simple but not easy to do. When I feel unwell, my body is creating tension, I go straight into unconscious but because I have been working on myself for a little while now, I have been able to rewrite a few things in my subconscious which helps me to move forward during the challenging times when I am tempted to stay unconscious and in the grip of my Ego. Therefore I would say during the challenging moment, its OK to surrender and accept what is. You can’t know what you don’t know. But when you are conscious even if it is during a short time, do the work then, make the most of it. “A journey of a thousand miles begin with a single small step” Lao Tzu. Soon enough you will be rewriting your story and a new you will be manifesting!
With much love and TO THE BEST IN YOU
PS: Books I’ve been reading:
- Braving the Wilderness by Dr Brene Brown
- Atomic habits by James Clear
- In the Flo by Alisa Vitti
- A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle
- Simplicious Flow by Sarah Wilson
People/Events I have been listening to/attending online:
- Dr Gabor Mate
- The Hay House Heal summit
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