In a “perfect” world we would all be doing just the things that we want to do, the things that gives us an instant “happiness”, a feel good emotion. For me it would be sitting down with my journal, outside in nature with a warm cuppa among other things. The truth is that this is not how life works and I am also certain it will be pretty boring. Imagine watching a movie without any challenges where it is just all happy and easy! We all have things on the to do list that we dread to do. Sometimes there are even things that we know will benefit us but we resist doing them (e.g going out for walk, do some exercise, eating well, etc..). The resistance goes like this, “It is too cold to go for a walk”, “I’m going to be sick in this cold weather”, “I’ll do it later when it feels right” “I’ll start tomorrow” What is resistance?
Resistance is when we find ways to not do what we are supposed to do (we convince our mind that we are making the right decision) or we do things with resentment, anger or fear. It is all the unkind thoughts that we have about ourselves and others, judgement etc…. They are all most likely based on some limited beliefs about ourselves that we made up when we were a child or throughout our life from the experiences that we had, the people that surrounded us and the environment that we were in. “Beliefs are information that used to be useful to you in the past” William Whitecloud. The good news is that they don’t have to drive your life anymore and you don’t have to “fix” yourself. What happens is that “your personality (the way you think, act and feel) creates your personal reality (what happens in your life)” says Dr Joe Dispenza. It is clear to me that the way I think, feel and act is reflected to me in my outer world. Ever wonder why from the moment something went wrong, a series of ‘bad’ things follows? Well this means that the outer world is reflecting our inner state. Let’s say I woke up as usual and then I broke my favourite cup while washing it. I then got upset, I started thinking how stupid and clumsy I am…. From this state of mind, I am not paying attention anymore to what I am doing because I am in my head, too busy blaming, judging myself, then I cut my hand with the broken pieces, I started to think that life is so against me right now, why is this happening, I’m still in my head and so busy complaining that I haven’t been getting ready, now I am thinking how I will be late for work, I get even more upset, thinking how my boss will think less of me, especially if I have been late a few times before, the more I stay upset, the more I am in my head, the less present I am and the less clear I can think, the less efficient I am at making decisions, the less open I am, in the meantime, my daughter might ask me something or need help and because I am so in my head busy thinking of worst case scenarios, I am worried and angry, so I reply with cold, angry voice which makes my daughter upset, now I am upset about her being upset as well, I am going to work feeling guilty etc…. You get the picture, if I had taken a different approach however, the scenario will be completely different. This is on a smaller scale of course and the same thing applies on a bigger scale (conflicts in your relationship, career, health…). Therefore when we change our inner reality, we can change the outer reality. How do we change our inner reality?:
Understanding how it works
There are research that shows that among the tens of thousands of thoughts we have daily, 80% are negative and 95% are the exact same repetitive thoughts as the day before! (Does this blow your mind? Do you see the possibilities ahead? YES me too!). So if I am thinking, doing and feeling the same way each day I am not making any big change in my life. If I want a new future, I cannot be using the same resources from my mind to create it, it will be the same outcome. For a real change, I have to change the way I think, feel and act! At least I have to become aware of it first. The moment we know our programming, we can start making a shift, in fact the shift will start happening just by being aware. It is important to expect resistance/discomfort as this is how we know we are on the right path. Change is hard especially if the same program has been running for a while. However, it is 100% possible for anyone to create the life that they want! The secret is our ability to sit in the discomfort long enough to create new circuits/neural pathways in our brain. We know about Neural Plasticity which means that our brain is shaped by our experiences each day. But our thoughts whether positive or negative also have an effect on the growth and development of the neurons and synaptic connections. Therefore my understanding is that we can rewire our brain by changing our thoughts. How do we change our thoughts?
- Willingness to change/grow/evolve
- Awareness/Recognition of our thoughts pattern
- Conscious Choice
Metacognition is our ability to be aware and understand our own thoughts. Therefore by understanding our mind programming, we can decide what we want to let go, what we want to keep and what we want to adopt. We can choose our thoughts.
I don’t wait for the outer world anymore to make me feel the way I want to feel. I just make this decision ahead. “I choose to have a great day today! I choose to be kind today! I choose to be in my creative genius today!” “I choose to be grateful” etc… This doesn’t mean, there will be no challenges, but it means my response and attitude will be one that is in alignment with my choice.
May be you are thinking that you didn’t choose to clean the bathroom today you just have to! The thing is at some level we do choose to do the things we are doing, we are simply not conscious of it. If you are doing it, it means you chose to. May be you are cleaning it because you love a clean bathroom. The resistance is not about the cleaning, it is your thought about the cleaning. May be you prefer to do something else instead (sit down in front of the TV, or something more pleasant), which means your thought about cleaning is that, it is unpleasant, annoying, it may means embarrassment, waste of time etc…. Therefore if you let go of the resistance (your thought about cleaning), you will find yourself suddenly in the present moment. This means suddenly you can take cleaning your bathroom to the next level, you are now truly connected to the task and know why you are cleaning your bathroom and you start to understand how you chose to clean your bathroom, you become on purpose. It becomes a lot easier to clean the bathroom now. This may be an insignificant example, but it also applies to the bigger things in life too.
Sometimes things happen that we didn’t choose (car broke down, the train is late, traffic…) but we can choose how to respond to the situations we are in. It is when we drop the resistance (the thought about the situation) that we have a clear mind and that the bigger picture shows up prompting the obvious choice of actions without having to battle our own mind with hurtful thoughts, narrowing our focus. The actions we then take will certainly be one that we choose. I understand that when things that are out of our control happens sometimes we get triggered. This just means that we need to keep working at it, keep working at understanding ourselves to make the shift. When I am triggered, I know it is a resistance. So I check in with myself and find out what is it that I am resisting. Once I know, I choose my response. Jack Canfield formula helped me to make complete sense of this. Event + Response = Outcome. So 2+2=4, now if I want the outcome to be 5 and the event is 2, I need to change my response to increase my outcome. Therefore 2 + 3 = 5. Let’s say the event go to 1, something happened, so the outcome will be determined by my response, right? Now my response need to be a 4 to keep it at 5 etc… In other words we have full control on the outcome we want.
So next time you find yourself resisting a task/situation, check in with yourself to understand what it is that you are resisting. Once you understand, you can make the choice to shift your thinking, to change your inner state and make the appropriate decision to move forward on your journey.
I refuse to give my power to others to control the way I feel. It is insane to think that other people, things and events are responsible for our own happiness, peace and freedom. I know things happens (major life event such as loosing someone, a diagnosis etc…) and people can be mean, but I can feel sadness without thinking worse of myself and my life and having feelings of desperation, defeat… I can be with my pain (the unfamiliar), I can say my truth (how I feel…) without becoming a victim to the situation. I am no way near perfect but I know that when I take full responsibility of my life and choose to be the creator of it, I feel powerful.
How does resistance show up in your life? What do you resist most? How do you power through resistance?
With much love and TO THE BEST IN YOU
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